Finals coming-- (Twenty-Five)

This is the last week before the semester finals. I think I will do pretty good on them. All I have to do for homework, projects, and stuff before the finals is to type up an already written book report for Chinese culture and finish the last chapter for my on-line class. The most important thing also is to study :) I thought I would do really badly on the on-line course I chose to do this semester, not because it seemed hard, but because of my ADD. I was sure, and so was everyone who knew me, that I would fall far behind; I showed us all :) I kept up with it and hardly fell behind :) I just hope I can keep up my self-discipline through out life.

My schedule now :) --- (Twenty-four)

I really wanted to work further towards my Culinary degree. I tried to take Culinary 1 and Baking, but those were the two classes that were conflicting my schedule, so I couldn't. I promised my aunt I would take a class with her to help her out, this is the last class she needs to graduate; I couldn't change that class. So now my classes for the spring 2008 semester are: Intro. to Environmental Science, (which includes) Environmental Science Lab (I really dislike science), History of Japan :) (yay!), Elementary Algebra, and Child Psychology. :) As long as work as hard as this semester and harder I will pass with flying colors :)

My classes (continued) --- (Twenty-three)

I couldn't just change my work schedule; it's a fixed schedule. I thought that I would be like pulling teeth to change my class schedule, but I was wrong there. I was able to sit down and talk to my adviser and change what I wanted for classes. I was going to try to change my work schedule with the other monitor who does the same route on Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday; just change her Tues. and Thurs. for my Mon. and Wed. Since I have a class I can't change, I had to change the others that conflicted with Mon. and Wed. Things worked out in the end and I was so relieved because of it.

My classes --- (Twenty-two)

I was very stressed out for like two or three days about next semester's class schedule. I realized on Sunday that my work schedule and spring class schedule were conflicting. I didn't know what to do. I get out of work on Monday and Wednesday at about 3:30pm, sometimes as late as quarter to 5pm; my classes on those days were in the evening so I figured it would be fine. Than, I realized my classes started at 4:30pm and chances are I wouldn't be out of work by then, let alone on the other side of the cape, when my class started.
---To Be Continued--- :)

SNOW!! --- (Twenty-one)

Yay! I love the snow, but I really dislike it being so cold. I really, really dislike driving in the snow, but it's so pretty. Well, this journal entry will make twenty-one, than I'll have to do at least four more to get half credit. I am kind of bummed that I haven't been able to keep up with the entries, but my professor said I should still be able to pass. He said also as long as I don't really bomb the exam, which I should do pretty good on. I am happy about all my work and effort this semester. I do wish I hadn't missed as many days as I did, but I should do fine. :)

Yay! --- (Twenty)

I am behind in my journal, blog writing, but I have kept up with everything else... pretty much. I only have to finish about two chapters in my Chinese Culture online course; I am very proud. I just hope that I do well this semester, I have tried really hard and despite my very busy schedule have kept up with things. I am very confident with most classes, but maybe not intro. to culinary arts, though. I hope I can finish these journals on time though, and do good on my finals. On a plus side, I have plenty to talk about about the past however many months since I wrote.

Hopefully --- (Nineteen)

I think the last check for journals was on December fourth, but I hope I can still make these count. I spent a lot of time at work today writing down entries so I could type them in later (like now). I don't know what to say I do like to write, but thinking about and sharing my feelings and thoughts is hard for me to do.
Do you know what is a fun game... Neopets. It's an online game where you get to make little pets you can raise and play with and feed and stuff. Oh, and you get to play games, too. Everyone makes fun of me because I play, it's supposed to be for kids, but I think it's fun and don't care what people say.

The Grudge --- (Eighteen)

Last Friday, Autumn and i got together and watched The Grudge and The Grudge 2. I had seen the first one and it was really freaky, but was afraid to what the other one by myself. Autumn came over and we ate dinner and had a movie marathon. It was very fun to spend time with Autumn. I really like her and want to keep her as a friend. She is so fun to be around, and just very funny in general. She can be very odd at times, but I am really odd myself so it all works out in the end.

Disturbia --- (Sixteen)

Autumn came by tonight and we watched the movie Disturbia. I had rented to before, but never got to finish watching it. I only ever got half way. It was a very suspenseful movie. Autumn kept tensing up and holding her breath, just waiting for something to jump out. I had fun. I wish I could have gone to bed much earlier than I am going to, but it was worth it. I am happy I finally got the DVD for my professor's midterm review to work. I have been so stressed out about not getting the DVD and failing the exam. Well, cross my fingers; the test is tomorrow.

Proud... --- (Fifteen)

I am very proud of myself lately. I have been keeping up with my homework since the courses started. Last semester I fell far behind, even this early on in the year. I have been keeping up on my medicine. I always have problems forgetting to take them on time and everyday. Most of all, I have been walking each day. Yes, it has only been two days, but I have been pushing myself not to give up. I am such a quitter; I give up on things very easily when they seem to hard or overwhelming. I have been working ahead on my homework. I haven't killed the kid i work with yet (I never would); I just wish I could sometimes.

King Richard's Faire --- (Fourteen)

On Sunday Autumn, Marty, Ron, and I went to the King Richard's Faire, located in Carver Mass. It was a surprisingly good day; it was kind of chilly, but very good. The last time we went, a few years ago, it was raining very bad, but it was still very fun. My favorite part is seeing the wonderful costumes everyone dresses up in and the tiger show. I want desperately to make an outfit for the next year we go, or buy one. One of the best things this year were the Aerial Angels; they were three acrobats Isabella, Flame, and Trixie. The stunts they did were absolutely fascinating. I love ballet, the Aerial Angels looked like they were doing ballet in the air. It was good to have fun with Autumn and Ron. I can't wait until next year.
See you around.

Courage --- (Thirteen)

I finally got up the courage Friday to tell Heather how I feel about our friendship. I made her cry, but I didn't intend to. I was very nice about it and kept telling her I don't want to lose her friendship. I haven't talked to her since then. I am just so afraid that she will say we shouldn't be friends anymore, but that is not what I wanted. I want her to start caring what I think and feel and not just taking, physically and emotionally. I want her to realize i am such a good friend and what she will miss out on if she doesn't change and i happen to grow to not like her anymore.
Talk again soon.

... --- (Twelve)

I just hate everything! I have been trying to spend time with Autumn to have fun and get away from Heather, but since we are such nice people (Autumn and I) I am fu**ed. Heather heard us talking about getting together, so the thinks that every time Autumn and I get together she can come, too. I don't know what to do about the situation. I can't get around it. I can't just tell her no, because she makes me feel like shit, because she gets all depressed. I don't want to say yes, because i don't want to deal with Heather when I am trying to have fun with Autumn. I just can't win at all. I really give up!

Ugh! --- (Eleven)

I really wish I didn't have such a big heart! I am always trying so hard to please, help, and make people happy. I neglect myself; I always put others first. I put off my homework; which should be the most important thing to me, and my education. I wish my heart was stone cold. I wish I were Amy Lee's 'Snow White Queen'. I put things off to help others and accommodate them. It's so hard for me to say no to people. Even my cats walk all over me. I guess it's mainly because I hate fighting, I would rather let others hurt me and walk all over me, than just stand up for myself with a fight. There is a lot more I wish I could talk about right now, but there are eyes watching me and I don't want them to see.
I guess I'll talk again soon.

Chobits! --- (Ten)

Chobits is one of my favorite mangas. Chobits is about a young man named Hideki Motosuwa, who has no money and wishes to get a persocom. Persocoms, or 'coms for short, are human looking computers. Hideki goes to a prep school to study to get in to a university, works at a bar. He find his very own 'com in a pile of trash, walking home from work. When he turns the 'com on he thinks she is broken because all she can say is "chi", Hideki names her Chi. He soon figures that Chi has no software, but has a learning program; though Chi knew nothing when she was turned on she was able to learn new words, concepts, and manners.
Chi is so adorable! I think any one, females especially, should read Chobits.
Talk to you later.

This bites --- (Nine)

Everything just keeps falling further and further behind. I'm behind in school, homework and everything else. I never have the time to study or do homework. I'm always working and tired. I know things will get better but life really sucks right now. All this weekend I was babysitting and all I got was $56, that's it! I am never babysitting on the weekends, that's the time I can do my homework and study and crap I have to do.
The more people encourage Heather to make baking in to a career, the more I get upset. I was supposed to be the one that became a baker, it was going to be a way to release my creativity and do something fun. But I don't want to always be competing with Heather for first. It's not that I want to compete in the first place, but there will always be competition, because both of us were never good enough for our parents or family so we will want to be better and have that feeling of being better at something. I am just so down, because this weekend she baked a cake for the birthday party we were at and every one was saying how good it was and just kept going on and she felt good but i feel like shit.
---

Worst day --- (Eight)

Other than waking up with a broken heart, today life passed me by. On Tuesdays I have school, I get up around 8am to be to school at 9:30am... today I woke up at 2:15pm. I missed both of my classes today and an appointment. I am really pissed! I set my alarm as usual, and went to bed early last night. If I had gone to bed after 1am, I would only have me to blame for not getting up, but that was not the case, I went to bed at 10pm! I am so furious and have no one to complain to!
Life just keeps going down hill. My relationship is really rocky, because of me for that matter. I am really sick and feel like crap. My job bites the big one... and so on. All I can do is be optimistic, and pray for better. No, praying wont make life stop sucking, but They can help give you courage and strength to make it through, and help you see the light through the stormy sky.
Dream. Hope. Love. Faith.

When dreaming with a broken heart, waking up is the hardest part --- (Seven)

Dreams can be quite discouraging. They are a release from reality, but more often than not are painful to wake up from. In dreams you can be loved by those who really don't care, you can be with those who are gone. In your dreams you can have what truly cannot be. It hurts so much, to dream a dream with such bliss and love and be crushed to wake up and see reality. Some say dreams have truth, they can be or will be... I have seen it to be true once, but do not believe.
I dreamt last night, someone I love, but does not love me in return, did. He gave my love a chance, he loved me. I have dreamt of his love before, but still in reality he will not even think twice and give me a chance. It hurts so much to have his love and then have reality rip it from my heart.
Jusqu'a notre prochaine rencontre.
(until we meet again)

Sick --- (Six)

I feel like crap today; I have a bad cold. I usually just get head colds, but now I have a head/ chest cold and it really sucks. I found some books at the Braintree library for my book report in Chinese Culture. It helps to get a head start of things like that. I think I've decided on a topic for my research essay: Women should give their babies breast milk, instead of formula. I really wanted to do it on "Geisha are not prostitutes", but I wouldn't know who to interview on the subject. I guess I could ask Mr. Kershner, but I don't know.
Talk to you later.

Mineko Iwasaki

*Found at: http://www.insomnia-sales.com/fr/fiche.php?ID_Film=39


*From her biography "Geisha, A Life"