The Grudge --- (Eighteen)

Last Friday, Autumn and i got together and watched The Grudge and The Grudge 2. I had seen the first one and it was really freaky, but was afraid to what the other one by myself. Autumn came over and we ate dinner and had a movie marathon. It was very fun to spend time with Autumn. I really like her and want to keep her as a friend. She is so fun to be around, and just very funny in general. She can be very odd at times, but I am really odd myself so it all works out in the end.

Disturbia --- (Sixteen)

Autumn came by tonight and we watched the movie Disturbia. I had rented to before, but never got to finish watching it. I only ever got half way. It was a very suspenseful movie. Autumn kept tensing up and holding her breath, just waiting for something to jump out. I had fun. I wish I could have gone to bed much earlier than I am going to, but it was worth it. I am happy I finally got the DVD for my professor's midterm review to work. I have been so stressed out about not getting the DVD and failing the exam. Well, cross my fingers; the test is tomorrow.

Proud... --- (Fifteen)

I am very proud of myself lately. I have been keeping up with my homework since the courses started. Last semester I fell far behind, even this early on in the year. I have been keeping up on my medicine. I always have problems forgetting to take them on time and everyday. Most of all, I have been walking each day. Yes, it has only been two days, but I have been pushing myself not to give up. I am such a quitter; I give up on things very easily when they seem to hard or overwhelming. I have been working ahead on my homework. I haven't killed the kid i work with yet (I never would); I just wish I could sometimes.

King Richard's Faire --- (Fourteen)

On Sunday Autumn, Marty, Ron, and I went to the King Richard's Faire, located in Carver Mass. It was a surprisingly good day; it was kind of chilly, but very good. The last time we went, a few years ago, it was raining very bad, but it was still very fun. My favorite part is seeing the wonderful costumes everyone dresses up in and the tiger show. I want desperately to make an outfit for the next year we go, or buy one. One of the best things this year were the Aerial Angels; they were three acrobats Isabella, Flame, and Trixie. The stunts they did were absolutely fascinating. I love ballet, the Aerial Angels looked like they were doing ballet in the air. It was good to have fun with Autumn and Ron. I can't wait until next year.
See you around.

Courage --- (Thirteen)

I finally got up the courage Friday to tell Heather how I feel about our friendship. I made her cry, but I didn't intend to. I was very nice about it and kept telling her I don't want to lose her friendship. I haven't talked to her since then. I am just so afraid that she will say we shouldn't be friends anymore, but that is not what I wanted. I want her to start caring what I think and feel and not just taking, physically and emotionally. I want her to realize i am such a good friend and what she will miss out on if she doesn't change and i happen to grow to not like her anymore.
Talk again soon.

... --- (Twelve)

I just hate everything! I have been trying to spend time with Autumn to have fun and get away from Heather, but since we are such nice people (Autumn and I) I am fu**ed. Heather heard us talking about getting together, so the thinks that every time Autumn and I get together she can come, too. I don't know what to do about the situation. I can't get around it. I can't just tell her no, because she makes me feel like shit, because she gets all depressed. I don't want to say yes, because i don't want to deal with Heather when I am trying to have fun with Autumn. I just can't win at all. I really give up!

Ugh! --- (Eleven)

I really wish I didn't have such a big heart! I am always trying so hard to please, help, and make people happy. I neglect myself; I always put others first. I put off my homework; which should be the most important thing to me, and my education. I wish my heart was stone cold. I wish I were Amy Lee's 'Snow White Queen'. I put things off to help others and accommodate them. It's so hard for me to say no to people. Even my cats walk all over me. I guess it's mainly because I hate fighting, I would rather let others hurt me and walk all over me, than just stand up for myself with a fight. There is a lot more I wish I could talk about right now, but there are eyes watching me and I don't want them to see.
I guess I'll talk again soon.

Chobits! --- (Ten)

Chobits is one of my favorite mangas. Chobits is about a young man named Hideki Motosuwa, who has no money and wishes to get a persocom. Persocoms, or 'coms for short, are human looking computers. Hideki goes to a prep school to study to get in to a university, works at a bar. He find his very own 'com in a pile of trash, walking home from work. When he turns the 'com on he thinks she is broken because all she can say is "chi", Hideki names her Chi. He soon figures that Chi has no software, but has a learning program; though Chi knew nothing when she was turned on she was able to learn new words, concepts, and manners.
Chi is so adorable! I think any one, females especially, should read Chobits.
Talk to you later.

This bites --- (Nine)

Everything just keeps falling further and further behind. I'm behind in school, homework and everything else. I never have the time to study or do homework. I'm always working and tired. I know things will get better but life really sucks right now. All this weekend I was babysitting and all I got was $56, that's it! I am never babysitting on the weekends, that's the time I can do my homework and study and crap I have to do.
The more people encourage Heather to make baking in to a career, the more I get upset. I was supposed to be the one that became a baker, it was going to be a way to release my creativity and do something fun. But I don't want to always be competing with Heather for first. It's not that I want to compete in the first place, but there will always be competition, because both of us were never good enough for our parents or family so we will want to be better and have that feeling of being better at something. I am just so down, because this weekend she baked a cake for the birthday party we were at and every one was saying how good it was and just kept going on and she felt good but i feel like shit.
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